she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
