you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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