Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
