he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
