Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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