Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
