i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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