He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
