Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
