anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
