are you still at the devil's house?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
