jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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