But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
