Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Will you blow on my dice?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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