Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
