I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
did i just pee glitter
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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