Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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