I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
