hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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