Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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