at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize