Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I supernannyed him into submission
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
