First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
