I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
