when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
