Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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