it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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