Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize