Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
