Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
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He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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