so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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