A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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