WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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