I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You've changed since you got that strap on
did i just pee glitter
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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