You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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