I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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