No, drunk sperm still make babies.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
