Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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