i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
