Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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