I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
