he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so let's talk penis.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
