Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
