watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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