I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
