Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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