My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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