omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
