just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
