The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
