we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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