Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
