If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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