I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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