It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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