that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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