i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
