First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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