Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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