He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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