I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
