I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
