I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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