Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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