It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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