Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize