Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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