if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
