your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
