I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
