Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
