i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
