So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
