1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
