that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
